1/ Attraction

1/Attraction.

North pole of a magnet attracts to the South pole of the other magnet. Vice versa. Reason? Google about it.

I believe that that are always a reason about an attraction. When a guy falls in love with a girl, people says yeah, love just happened. Without any reasons.

But love is not the point now, this is a different topic.Hmm. We’re here to talk about ATTRACTION.

When did you start to learn this word? 3? 5? 6 or 8? I learned it because of science class during primary school I guess. About magnets they attract when opposite poles come together.

Here’s a little story of mine about “attraction”

The story starts with ME. Yeah I’m the main character.

Do you have an idol? Me : NO.

I don’t adore anyone. But I’m easily attracted by someone. I may not like all parts of that person but the parts which attracted me makes the person special.

Connor Franta.

I’m sure pretty much of you heard of him or some of you may not know probably you don’t watch a lot of youtube or you haven’t find out about this guy.

Cute name. I love it.

A day like any other day I was watching youtube videos and I randomly clicked in a video on the suggestion sides.

A guy, who has beautiful eye colors caught my eyes. Gosh. How on earth someone looks so gorgeous with that.

Okay. But that’s not the reason I was attracted to him.

I knew he wrote a book but I never get to read it because it isn’t selling in M’sia.

Anyhow, I eventually get to “listen” to his book.

I never listen to an audiobook cause I think is super boring listen to someone reading a story and sometimes come across the words that I don’t understand makes the whole story no sense.

But I finished my first audiobook because of Connor is reading it. That’s the moment.

He got the most amazing and lovely voice. I lied down on my bed watching my ceiling, is like someone talking to me softly beside.  

His voice may sounds normal to you, but it’s so special for me. I can listen to him talk all day and never get bored.

This is all about attraction. He sounds special. Here’s the reason.   

我說

愛裝可憐? 或許是我與生俱來的特質。六年級的時候是第一次﹐ 不清楚那個人究竟是陌生人還是她﹐ 算了。第二次﹐是我以為曾經最了解我的人。算了﹐我學會不再把感受說給任何人聽了。自己的悲傷自己承擔。那麼就沒有必要讓別人看見這裡的理由﹐反正我也只有在孤獨難過的時候才會來到這裡。

我曾經以為我並不需要安全感﹐ 因為堅定的心都在身邊。現在卻只剩下獨自失緒的心﹐ 原來我也是一個缺乏安全感的孩子啊。

時間會慢慢平復的。是的﹐時間平復了麻木﹐厭倦的心。則成就了陌生﹐ 逃避  和 恐懼的心。

明明只需要退一步﹐就能海闊天空﹐但我們沒有人願意退出一步。也或許她們早就離開那個地方﹐不再等待彼此退後的一步。

重看回自己文字。它們﹐混亂﹐糟糕。凌亂的字句合起來的文章﹐毫無意義。我的人生﹐ 是否也像它們一樣 ?

結束

或許上輩子沒做甚麼好事吧﹐上帝在這輩子給我的沒有太多。﹐給了﹐然後又再收回去﹐所以也習慣了﹐我大概不會擁有甚麼是一輩子的。雖然我還是堅信一切一切都會好起來的﹐也這樣安慰著。呵﹐不知道哪裡來的正能量。

Insomnia.

十四年來最難熬的午夜。努力去強逼自己把腦子放空﹐好的。兩秒過後﹐頭腦可怕的運轉又填補那片空白。想找個人來陪伴這樣的沮喪﹐才發現原來只剩下我一個人困在失眠里難以自拔。熬夜這壞習慣已經有在儘量慢慢提早﹐畢竟開學是早上班對我來說真的很痛苦﹐但其實還蠻喜歡比別人早起然後享受到一天的開始。嗯﹐就希望上課不要大瞌睡就好。加油。

經歷了許多過後﹐其實就會慢慢懂得珍惜很多。(我還記得敏說我這經歷滄桑的老丫頭。哈)
你有一個從幼兒園到現在還在聯繫的很好朋友嗎 ? 我很慶幸﹐我有。 (: 即使不同學校﹐不常聯繫﹐但每年到彼此的家過夜幾天的習慣還是維持到現在。而每次我們都依依不捨的離開。然後再等到下一次的見面。
常看到別人寫說 : 最好的友情不是在幼兒園﹐卻是開始了都不會結束。
的確很認同。十一年的友誼﹐好棒。

明明昨天還在興奮的期待迎接美好青春的一年﹐今天怎麼祇想停留了。嘖﹐不是昨天﹐是去年的今天。時間﹐你能為我再走得慢一點嗎。嘿﹐ 明年你要學習的東西太多了﹐拜託你也把你的勇氣找回﹐懦弱丟掉。學習接受﹐珍惜你擁有的﹐別再把那些你擁有的再弄不見了﹐長大了﹐很多東西不見了就消失了。

還有﹐明年就是初中評估考試了﹐是時候讀書了。別讓懶惰把你給絆著了﹐我相信你努力總能還來成果﹐就像今年年終考試一樣。還不錯的新年願望吧﹐ 加油﹐親愛的自己。

呵﹐說穿了。這篇只不過是強迫自己在2012結束之前留下一些甚麼罷了。順便把今年愉快不愉快都留下。 (:

2013, 祝你們和我都幸福。